Oompa Loompas and Side Show Bob

Have you ever noticed how scary the Oompa Loompas were when you were a kid? And yet, haven't we all at some point in our adult lives encouraged our kids to watch Willy Wonka and The Choc. Factory? Maybe it is the same phenomenon as having a baby-you do it, it is scary and painful but you do it again because you forget how bad it was? Maybe it is the simple yet profound message Willy Wonka tries to teach in his catchy theme song delivered by those creepy green men, who by the way, I believe are singled handled responsible for making midgets an overly spectacular experience, not to mention, the cause of many childhood nightmares. On a side note--did you ever notice how bad the Oompa Loompas cartwheels were? Watch it again, they're creepy AND their cartwheels suck. Anyway, do you remember the message? It was basically take responsibility for yourself and accept that your actions will be the determiner of your fate. Right?


Who do you blame when your kid is a brat
pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?
Blaming the kid is a lion of shame
you'll know exactly who is to blame:
The mother and the father!


So, this brings me to Side Show Bob. Tonight after a full 3 games of bowling, well, 2 with the kids and one by myself, we went to the Training Table and had dinner. The Training Table is a restaurant I imagine was opened by some masochistic employer who wanted to punish his young employees. The way you order food at the Training Table is to pick up a phone located at your table and, when the people in the ordering station see the light flashing and hear the buzzer buzzing, they take your order. Well, can you imagine that most of the people that go to this restaurant are, to some degree--idiots--but more importantly, families with small children. Of course it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep your child from lifting up the receiver and setting off the call station alarm in turn making some employee say "Can I take your order...hello...is there anybody there? Uh...did you want to order?" All the while, to the delight and laughter of the children at the table with their parents in the background saying "So and so...hang up RIGHT now--that is NOT funny, you hang up that phone right this minute!" It's simply torture, but their cheese fries are kick ass so we have to do at least once or twice a month.
Anyway, one of my kids ordered chicken fingers and when they arrived we noticed one of the chicken pieces had cooked right on to another piece and formed the ultimate chicken finger that resembled, as one of my children said "A cock and balls". Of course we all broke into hysterical laughter and I begged that child to hold it up so I could take a picture of it and send it to Daddy who was at the fire station. He did, and I did and then we all kept laughing until, out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of Devin's elementary school teacher and her husband. Right at that moment, that exact moment in fact, I began to motion to Devin to put down his chicken-finger-cock-and-balls the teacher said "Well...hello Cassie" in a kind of Jerry Sienfield addressing Newman sort of way. I tried to pull myself together and regain a shred of dignity. I then replied "Hello to you too Ms. Blankity Blank" I had no idea she was actually a "Mrs." but low and behold she is and there she was with her husband in tow. I said to Brady "Try to get a hold of yourself Dude, I don't want to look like a complete idiot, this is the teacher who used to complain about Devin and what a clown he was in class. I don't want her thinking I am to blame for that." To which Brady replied in a rather loud voice "Who HER? That lady sitting with Side Show Bob?"For those of you who are not familiar with Side Show Bob he is a character from the Simpson's with really awful hair. That proved too much for me. I simply couldn't control myself, I burst out laughing, paid our bill, took the kid and got the hell out of there.


Oompa Loompa doopmadee doo
I've got some more advice for you
always brush your hair and do a good job
otherwise you'll look like Side Show Bob