My Maiden Voyage

I haven't decided yet whether or not this "blogging" thing is for me. But I guess wearing the shirt that says "More people have read my shirt then have read your blog" won't be quite as humorous anymore? In fact, you might say it will be a little ironic. I decided after being approached by quite a few people that I should start a blog because first of all, Facebook doesn't allow nearly enough room for me to elaborate on my deeply philosophical and pessimisstic rants about how lame everything is (yes, that is my style)--in fact it was a toss up between "The Hesh" and "Ugh" as the name of my blog. And second, I can re read what I am about to post BEFORE I offend people where as most of the time I don't have an opportunity--that's mostly based on impulse control--to edit my offensive comments before they offend someone.
So here it is, my maiden voyage in the blogging world. The thing about me is, you can't take me too seriously or you won't get my sense of humor. I guess I should start by telling you a little bit about myself. First, you can always count on me to tell the truth about what I think and I how I see things. Second, you can pretty much count on most people agreeing with some part of what I have to say but not having enough nerve to admit it. Third, I have done a lot of things people are not comfortable with during my life time and that makes me a little bit of a guilty pleasure to be around.
Right now I live in SLC, Utah with my husband and his children--well, our children but that isn't always how it seems--you know that moment when you look at them and see them eating their buggers and your like "OMG, THAT is not my child!" Well, that exact thing has happened (on more then one occasion, might I add). We spend a lot of time together messing around, acting like clowns and pretending we are on our own non televised version of "Nitro Circus". My hubby works for Salt Lake City Fire Department and is gone about half the month. That means I have a lot of "free time". I mostly raise children and lament about what my legacy will be when I am gone (most of my hobbies include a little danger and a lot of bad judgement). My desires in life have never been...ordinary. I aspired to be slightly more then average and one step above forgetable. I'd also like to make a small contribution to my community (as long as it is not too inconvient or time consuming)--so far I believe I have achieved all of my life goals.
Anyway, I stay at home farting around with hobbies and kicking ass (almost nightly) on Jeopardy. I love riding dirtbikes and I am obsessed with weapons. I cannot watch enough obscure documentaries and I get sucked into fretting about (almost daily) some catastrophic current event happening somewhere in the world (last month I suggested to my husband we adopt a Haitian baby--he said no...then he got a vascectomy). On the other hand I am a normal girl and I have all the normal issues that go along with being a women of the twenty first century. I like make up, I am a hairdresser by trade, I love going out with my hubby, and I have major body issues. Overall, I am very happy and very satisfied with my life. I make a pretty constant habit of pointing out lifes ridiculous hypocricies (as my mom would say--man's inhumanity to man). I plan on writing a book someday to document my life experiences. Hopefully someone will get some enjoyment out of it or gain some ability to self reflect--as some rude person once said "Heck if Cassie can do it anybody can do it" that was in reference to going to the LDS Temple, not writing a book, but you get the idea--and, yes, I am Mormon. I no longer attend church or believe in God. I don't believe in life after death and I don't believe in "the power of the Universe" but that doesn't stop me from being a pretty fucking cool person. I am a Darwinian and a Humanist (look it up). I believe in the Golden Rule. I think it is a good baseline. I'm pretty sure it is safe to assume no one wants to be treated like an idiot or an asshole so to the people who treat others this way I have to ask--what is THAT all about? But I can save that rant for another day. I hope people who read this blog see from my experiences that life is meant to be enjoyed. I believe it was Mark Twain who said "The only way to have health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd rather not". Well, I can't do that. I'd rather enjoy life. I like eatting food that is bad for me, I love drinking coffee and beer and I would rather die doing something that brought me a moment of pleasure then live a lifetime regretting never having done those things I really wanted. Maybe that is one of those things about me that people find so intriguing. Maybe that is why people describe me as having a magnetic personality. Maybe that is why just when you thought you were out--I pulled you back in...it's funnier if you say it like Al Pacino.