Gay night at Medieval Times

Well...I'm back. After a few days in sunny Las Vegas or as we call it "Lost Wages" I finally returned home where I was greeted by two very stressed out dogs, a bird in the kitchen (that was a gift from the cats) and a truancy notice for one of my kids--but, as the saying goes, who cares--we had just enjoyed 5 fun filled days at the Sunset Station in Henderson, NV. During those 5 fabulous days we lost lots of money, (won just a little), ate lots of mediocre food, drank tons of Pina Coladas and bowled some pretty terrible games (including one that almost sent Ryan to the ER) Ryan had one too many Pina Coladas and ended up crossing the line--literally crossing the bowling line, hitting the oil on the lane and totally eating shit. He fell and when he fell...he fell hard. It was kind of like the shot heard round the world only this was the fall heard round the bowling alley. He ended up with a minor head injury and a stiff neck but more importantly suffered a serious injury to his pride. We stayed up late, ate too much, drank too much and had way too much fun. We even took a trip to the Excalibur to see "Medieval Times". For those of you who have seen "The Cable Guy", you know what I am talking about. For those of you who don't...let me explain.

Medieval Times is a restaurant which features an elaborate arena show where highly decorated knights participate in medieval-style games, sword fighting, jousting and even a "tournament". This of course, takes place while you eat (without utensils) a medieval feast fit for a King including a giant turkey drumstick and a piece of pie. In the movie "The Cable Guy" the main characters eat at this restaurant. My favorite scene is when Janeane Garofalo says "Hello and welcome to Medieval Times. I will be your serving wench--what can I get for you?" One of the patrons asks if he can get a fork and the serving wench says "There WERE no utensils during Medieval Times, hence, there ARE no utensils AT Medieval Times. Would you like a refill of Pepsi?" To which the customer replies. "There were no utensils but there was Pepsi?" My thoughts exactly.
Ryan and I thought our 8 and 10 year old boys might enjoy this show very much. So we purchased 4 tickets and planned an evening of Medieval madness. As it turns out, I think I enjoyed it the most out of the four of us. The LARPer's (live action role players--you've probably seen them at your local park reenacting a civil war battle or an 11th century sword fight--major dorks) participated in the high drama medieval pageantry and each came equipped with giant galloping horses, realistic weapons, and long straggly pony tails. In fact, the only good looking knight was the one from Norway who was immediately killed by the much uglier knights in a horseback jousting match. We sat in the 3rd or 4th row and had a terrific visual of all the participants and of course the medieval pyrotechnics. However, one of the highlights of the night (for me anyway) were the Medieval "slaves". I must admit, I was a little surprised to see the beefy shirtless "slave boys" who occasionally ran on to the field to retrieve a sword or a mace that had been lost in battle. The "slaves" were surprisingly handsome, not to mention very muscular and oily, and shirtless, did I mention that? They waited on the side lines ready to spring into action when a knight lost a weapon or got killed and needed to be carried off the battlefield after hand to hand combat. Now, don't get me wrong--I am in no way complaining about the shirtless slaves in their leather loin cloths--but I did find it a bit odd since the show really seemed geared towards men. Oh well, maybe it was "gay night" at Medieval Times. Anyway, the show was entertaining (on many levels) and of course all the weirdo's that went (our foursome being the exception) were a sight to behold.
Now, for those of you who know me, you know that I revel in the bizarre. I don't know if I would call the trip to Medieval Times "bizarre" (had there been an "iron maiden" or a stretching rack or even say the dreaded "Judas chair" now that would have warranted the term bizarre) but I will say it was up there with some of the stranger things I've seen. Do I recommend it? Absolutely. It's definitely worth seeing--especially if your into LARP ing (which I secretly am). However, be forewarned, my advice is to go hungry but don't have high expectations when it comes to the food and wear something you won't mind smelling like horse during the rest of your trip. Oh, and be prepared that anytime some thing (even remotely) exciting happens--like a knight pulling off his helmet at the end of a grueling battle and shaking out his straggly pony tail--you will be expected to raise your frosty mug of Medieval Pepsi and shout "Huzzah!" at the top of your lungs.